you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
