I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
