it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
3 2 1 whiskey
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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