Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
