It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
