This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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