so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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