My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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