He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We left an ass print on the piano.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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