Your face is a jimmy john
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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