I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
