then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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