I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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