i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
