What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
