He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
