I need to stop coming to work sober
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
