HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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