my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
