Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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