you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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