I'm pants shitting drunk right now
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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