Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
