This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
