oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
