It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
