I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
