Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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