I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
