she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
