Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
