i already hear my dad disowning me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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