I wish my penis had an off switch
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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