Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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