I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
