Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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