He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
