went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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