so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
