I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
