People in love make me want to vomit
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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