He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
