Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he quoted the bible to break up with me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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