Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
