When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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