We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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