soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
