There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
