im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
