i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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