She is in my trunk
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
