and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
