I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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