Your face is a jimmy john
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
